You're so nebulous sometimes
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
