why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
