I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
