is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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