You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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