I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Never joke about your clitoris.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
