just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
