Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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