stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hippo gnu deer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
