Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt

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(802): View more from Vermont

Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.

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(360): View more from Washington

Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck

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(786): View more from Florida

hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!

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(514): View more from Quebec

I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.

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(206): View more from Washington

She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..

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(810): View more from Michigan

Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone

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(810): View more from Michigan

Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"

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