Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
