I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
