at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
