there's paper in my vomit.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
