I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
false alarm. still invincible.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
