I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
