oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
