I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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