and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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