Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
