She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
