The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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