$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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