So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
