She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
