Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
