i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
