So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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