Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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