and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
