Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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