I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
