i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I smell stomach acid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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