I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
