I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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