Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
