At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
