i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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