I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
