gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
