bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why do cheetos always look like penises
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
