Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
