I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
