Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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