well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
