So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
