i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
