Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
