ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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