I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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