I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
